Not a New Years Resolution (I don't do those!), but food for thought. Life really is about people - living with them, working with them, loving them in spite of themselves; and hopefully about understanding them and meeting them where they're at. This is from another blog that I read, authored by Dave Workman at Vineyard Community Church, our church home.
My friend Mark Lutz is a counselor. I'm sure he has great fun trying to figure out what's wrong with me. The other day he gave me a new slant on this idea of being outward-focused. He said, “One of the easiest things for me to do is pass judgment on others. ‘I wonder why that homeless person won't be responsible and get a job.' Or ‘If that person had stayed in school, they could have more opportunities.' Or ‘That ex-con's life is hard because he's getting what he deserves.'
Mark told me that one thing that makes us judge others is our self focus. He said, “I judge other people's actions and assume motives based on what I would have done. For me to end up homeless would mean that I squandered the opportunities and advantages given to me. For me to have ended up in jail would mean that I turned my back on my upbringing in the church. For me to be mentally ill today would mean that I declined God's invitation for growth & healing.”
And then he offered, “But not everyone has had the life I've had. Not everyone has grown up with parents that instilled values in them and took them to church. Some people had much more pain in their lives than I did, making self-medicating behaviors more enticing to them. Some people have organic medical predispositions to things like depression, alcoholism or schizophrenia. The causes for their circumstances are more involved and complex than simply a lack of faith or a matter of choice.”
He added, “As I become more outward-focused I learn that my life is not the standard by which all other lives will be judged. I still believe in personal responsibility. Though we didn't choose all the garbage that got dumped in our yard, it's our responsibility to do something with it. But here's what I've decided: I'm going to be outwardly gracious. And I'm going to take all that energy I'm saving from not judging them and use it to help them stand.”
Wow. I like that…that was a great counseling session for me.
2 comments:
Aunt MA, I hope your friend's "counselor" doesn't really believe that mental illness is caused by a lack of willpower or simply declining an "invitation". That idea is pretty silly and furthermore it reeks of scientology and Tom Cruise. Seriously.
Abby, I don’t believe that was his intent at all. You notice he says “Some people have organic medical predispositions to things like depression, alcoholism or schizophrenia. The causes for their circumstances are more involved and complex than simply a lack of faith or a matter of choice.”
I agree that we don’t even want to go near the Scientology / Tom Cruise way of thinking. That's some twisted stuff.
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